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Saturday, May 17, 2008
iJames 3:1-10, Mk. 9:2-13
spent week in la, holly wood, ventural beach, w. hollywood. it was good being away, yet it was difficult. i needed out of town, but la was sophicating, hot, which i enjoyed for a while. been depressed all week for some reason. got sick before i left la, sick on train, must depressed, feel like life is not much worth it, like i am a failure today. people make their demands, and i do not fulfill them, or meet their needs. i went out on santa monica blvd, guys out there working, all the same as here, so needy, so desperate. all around i find neediness, desperation. james is so right in the text today--our tongue is so damn self-destructive, we hurt people by our words. i see that on the street. have a priest i know who is just treacheous with his tongue. sometimes i wonder if it is all worth it. Deo Gratis! Thanks be to God!
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Monday, May 12, 2008
May 11--Pentecost
Acts 2:19-23, I Cor. 12:3-7, 12-013, Jn. 20:19-23
today is Pentecost, the coming of the Holy Spirit---and in I Cor. 12 we have Paul telling us of our many gifts, and that we should accept them and their differences. i can not sing, but i can preach, i can move and live among different cultures and different people, and understand their world. the church tends not to understand that because the church as we know it is so caught up in the culture, but i am gifted in my ability to understand people that most people push aside, and for that i am grateful.
i went to san carlos for dinner with vicki, kevin, and scott, came home and as i drove down polk street noticed brad standing on one corner, david talking outside the bar another standing on the other corner--all trying to make money, all hustling, each desperate, each so needy, each a drug user--i see the old men (even though i am closer in their age than i was 14 years ago)grasping after them--needy, desperate in their way--and i am aware of our i fall off center and feel desperate, needy, afraid to, and it is only as i come back to the center, to the day to day living out my life trying to proclaim the gospel in the way that i see it that i find wholeness--it is a day to day process, i fall off some days, others i am so so, some days i hit it on the head, most of the time i am trying.
we have had some problems at st. victors with people over me taking over the leadership of the st. victors church. they let it go, i was there, have the committment, and as i stand back i am not going to take it personally, just move on--for it is in staying, standing the course that continuity comes. Deo Gratis! Thanks be to God!
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Sunday, May 11, 2008
May 10
Acts 28:16-20, 30-31/ Jn. 21:20-25
today is the feast of damien of molikai, the leper priest, the one from whom my religious name comes from. i do work with lepers, lepers in our society--hustlers, drug users--seen as the least of the least. had college students here last week who it appeared were rather judgmental--for drug use, for prostitution--and yet in talking to them there friends use drugs, sleep around--the difference is they are housed, and are clean, how choosy we are about our lepers. these guys, and girls are difficult, but they have had difficult lives--and but for the grace of God i would be one of them--decent family, decent breaks, pure luck, just pure luck--and so how can i judge them. they are no different than any other people--just more obvious about their life situation.
it has been a long day--church in vallejo, outreach. have some problems with the church in vallejo--simply that people have no limits--and we all need limits--it has been a fulfilling day. Deo Gratis! Thanks be to God!
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Saturday, May 10, 2008
May 9
Acts 25:13-21/ John 21:15-19
The passage from John is Jesus reminding peter to love him three times. i am just like peter, not dependable, shallow, and yet like peter i will fall and get up and keep on going, and that is what ultimately counts--is the faithfulness. it is a matter of keeping 0n and never giving up.
today was the workman memorial celebration. it was great. windy, but nearly 100 people in the park, short eucharist and then we fed them. it was great. it was great watching the homeless people take the eucharist and then eat the pizza and i thought of workman who had committed a crime and yet from his death came life, and how the death penalty destroys life, and destroys the fabric of our society.
did outreach a couple of times, but went to bed early, i have to get up for mass in the morning. received an email from an individual concerned about me, i get stressed, worn out, and most of the time i am alone down here working, and so it is difficult, but beyond that there is the joy, the satisfaction in what i do. i have chosen this work, and have done it for nearly fourteen years, in season and out of season, and i have no regrets. to me that is what the gospel is about today--keeping on going--in season, out of season, in the good times, the bad times, the boring times, but keeping on. Deo Gratis! Thanks be to God!
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Friday, May 09, 2008
May 8
Acts 22:30; 23:6-11, John 17:20-26
i always celebrate the Eucharist in public liturgy, i have gotten where what i do in public is christian. ecumenical, interfaith is great---but everyone does it, rather than try to celebrate the uniqueness of their faiths, and the universality of their faiths, they water everything down so they do not offend people, it is about not offending rather than the message, and so everything is watered down. yea i have fewer people i would imagine, but the message is clear--and for me the message is Jesus is for all--not just the fundies. the eucharist for me unites, it is a uniteing meal.
long day, cooking, had group from santa rosa here, and it is always draining answer questions, giving people a tour, and talking to them about places and people they have never been or known. good meal, to bed at midnight. Deo Gratis! Thanks be to God!
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Thursday, May 08, 2008
May 7
Acts 20:28-38/ Jn. 17:11-9
Paul is leaving--he has worked his ass off--and i understand that--i work mine off--he has done the best that he can, and so have i--that is all we are asked--to do the best we can.
i am tired, really tired of people and there games. i am suppose to have dinner with friends on sunday, but they have to lie to someone that they are doing something else--over dinner? bullshit! i am planning the workman event for friday, doing all the work mind you, and the person supposedly helping me, whom i have met twice and talked to on the phone twice is pissed--why? because she is busy, and i do things differently, well god damit, get someone else then--why not--there seems to be no one else interested who will do all the work. my self-esteem is bad enough i realize and i put myself down, for not "pleasing", not "doing what people want me to", when the reality is i am doing all the work, and i am making all the decisions--it is being done, that is what counts. i have had enough, simply enough of feeling bad about myself.
worked on stuff for friday, did outreach dan was by, out of mind on drugs, dinner with maria. cold outside, spent an hour with 28 year old brad as he was hustling--still thinks he can get the guys. bed at 3. am. Deo Gratis! Thanks be to God!
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Wednesday, May 07, 2008
May 6
Acts 20:17-27/Jn. 17:1-11
paul says he will work proclaiming the message until the end and i know that i will as well-- in doubts, out of doubts, in health, in non-health, in fear, out of fear, in season, out of season. it is all i have, it is my work.
spent afternoon putting up flyers for the event on friday with rex, and then rested and watched tv. all evening. it is going to be a killer week. Deo Gratis! Thanks be to God!
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