Friday, January 21, 2005
January 21
Mk.313-19
Today our churches place a great emphasis on education, psychological testing for clergy—and even though I have all that, and once fit the profile of an “effective” pastor, I no longer fit the profile: I question authority, I hang out with whores and drug addicts, I no longer buy into the institution, and so on. And so it is comforting to know that I fit in with the first 12—they would not have gotten through the first round of clerical preparation: thieves, murders, liars, uneducated. Jesus tends to find in us fuck ups something redeeming and useful, and for my own sanity I am thankful about that. Deo Gratis
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Thursday, January 20, 2005
January 20, 2005
Mk. 3:7-12
The crowds pushed in on Jesus, never giving him a moment of peace. He is vulnerable, available to them. These past few days I find myself feeling the same 20 year old B, chased me down for some “counseling time” which lasted several hours. As I walked home from car j and j needed food. This morning j, was dope sick, scared, needed some one to listen, b was at my door again.
Ministry is about being open and available, but it is also knowing when to withdraw. Like Jesus I withdraw to recharge. When the phone is off most of the evening it is because I am exhausted from talking, listening, my “power is gone from me.” But that is our call to be available, to be open, to be present. Deo Gratis! Thanks be to God!
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Wednesday, January 19, 2005
January 19, 2005
Mk. 3:1-6
The past few days have been dealing with some surgery to remove a cist, and the emotional stuff that goes around. I am reminded of my mortality, that some day I will leave the world. People asked me why I wear a ring with skulls and cross on it, have a skull night light, and a grim reaper poporee. It is to remind me of death, and that only in Jesus can one one find life. these last days have really been hellacious, I have had one kid after another in crisis, one being raped, one overdosed, several in jail, and I have to move beyond my own suffering to be present. In many ways our passage for today speaks to me in the midst of all of this chaos. The scriptures of the past three days has Jesus breaking the sabbath law to heal, to feed his disciples. He heals a paralyzed man and the authorities begin their plotting. Jesus is very clear that laws are made for the service of people. Jesus did not defend himself, he just said what he had to say and moved on.
For me this is the Jesus who calls me to follow him into “Galilee”. I have spent ;most of my life trying to please people but ultimately when the chips are down I will break the rules as society sees them to serve people. and I catch hate, condemnation. Insitutional churches fear me because of the needle exchange. I made a forme supervisor angry by telling her if she wants a solution to funding housing care she and her millionaire friends just need to give 10% of their income and we would have no problem. And the list goes on and on. I was once told that I walk the road to calvary and will be crucified in one way or another. But the call of Jesus to me is clear, to plunge forward, day by day, trusting even in my doubts and fears. Deo Gratis! Thanks be to God!
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