Saturday, October 23, 2004
it is 2:30 or so, and i am preparing for a spiritual direction appointment. i am fasting in solidarity with my musolim brothers and sisters, for Ramadan, which means nothing by mouth from sunrise, to dark. i find this time becoming more and more a holy time. as i move on the streets, i have solidarity with those who are hungry, but also aware i can walk in the nearest cafe and get food any time i want. i am more aware of how food is so much a part of our society. there are restaruarnt, after restaurant on each block, and how that must drive people crazy who are hungrey and who have to go for blocks to a soup kitchen. Traidtionally Muslims read the Koran during this time, and so i am doing that as well. i am hungry, and empty, but so is much of the worlds population. i am rich by comparison.
Reading I
Sir 35:12-14, 16-18
The LORD is a God of justice,
who knows no favorites.
Though not unduly partial toward the weak,
yet he hears the cry of the oppressed.
The Lord is not deaf to the wail of the orphan,
nor to the widow when she pours out her complaint.
The one who serves God willingly is heard;
his petition reaches the heavens.
The prayer of the lowly pierces the clouds;
it does not rest till it reaches its goal,
nor will it withdraw till the Most High responds,
judges justly and affirms the right,
and the Lord will not delay.
Responsorial Psalm
Ps 34:2-3, 17-18, 19, 23
R. (7a) The Lord hears the cry of the poor.
I will bless the LORD at all times;
his praise shall be ever in my mouth.
Let my soul glory in the LORD;
the lowly will hear me and be glad.
R. The Lord hears the cry of the poor.
The LORD confronts the evildoers,
to destroy remembrance of them from the earth.
When the just cry out, the LORD hears them,
and from all their distress he rescues them.
R. The Lord hears the cry of the poor.
The LORD is close to the brokenhearted;
and those who are crushed in spirit he saves.
The LORD redeems the lives of his servants;
no one incurs guilt who takes refuge in him.
R. The Lord hears the cry of the poor.
Reading II
2 Tm 4:6-8, 16-18
Beloved:
I am already being poured out like a libation,
and the time of my departure is at hand.
I have competed well; I have finished the race;
I have kept the faith.
From now on the crown of righteousness awaits me,
which the Lord, the just judge,
will award to me on that day, and not only to me,
but to all who have longed for his appearance.
At my first defense no one appeared on my behalf,
but everyone deserted me.
May it not be held against them!
But the Lord stood by me and gave me strength,
so that through me the proclamation might be completed
and all the Gentiles might hear it.
And I was rescued from the lion's mouth.
The Lord will rescue me from every evil threat
and will bring me safe to his heavenly kingdom.
To him be glory forever and ever. Amen.
Gospel
Lk 18:9-14
Jesus addressed this parable
to those who were convinced of their own righteousness
and despised everyone else.
"Two people went up to the temple area to pray;
one was a Pharisee and the other was a tax collector.
The Pharisee took up his position and spoke this prayer to himself,
'O God, I thank you that I am not like the rest of humanity--
greedy, dishonest, adulterous--or even like this tax collector.
I fast twice a week, and I pay tithes on my whole income.'
But the tax collector stood off at a distance
and would not even raise his eyes to heaven
but beat his breast and prayed,
'O God, be merciful to me a sinner.'
I tell you, the latter went home justified, not the former;
for whoever exalts himself will be humbled,
and the one who humbles himself will be exalted."
I look at my body and see scars from staff infection, and from an attempt on my life; i hear the jeers, the constant gossip, and criticism. my soul bears the scars of years of rejection over and over. And I know that this is the pouring of my life out as a libation, fighting the good fight, moving toward the ultimate goal in Jesus.. Like Paul this journey is one that continues until i complete it in Jesus, there is no turning back, no compromise. Deo Gratis! Thanks be to God!
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Lk. 13:1-9: yesterday i spent five hours at social security becoming the payee of cigarette, 24, who is hiv plus, with mental illness. as i sit there watching the broken of our society--the homeless, the aged, the disabled, come to pick up the crumbs under the table of the government, the question comes to mind why does God allow human suffering, and again i know the answer is a mystery, and my guess even to God, for God gives us her answer to human suffering in the form of Jesus--who entered into the human condition. Jesus became human, and moved in our midst seeking to allevviate suffering, and in the end dying in that struggle. He got his hands dirty, and himself was broken. The cross is the answer to the question=-=to the question of God's response to human suffering, and it is a reminder that through us whom Jesus calls he continues to move in the world alleviating suffering. Today as i sit with cig, calming him, struggling with his impatience, his anger, even through me Jesus was seeking to alleviate his suffering. Deo Gratis! Thanks be to God!
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Friday, October 22, 2004
Lk. 12:54-59: "The signs of the times". what are the signs of the times? as i reflect on this there are signs that are very visible to me:
1. the irrevlevance of the institutional church. it has become self-serving, rigid, into its own wealth and power, neglectful of the poor.
2. there is a climate of fear, apathy, and hopelessness in our society.
but there are also signs of hope:
1. the kids at sacred heart are raising their voices in protest of the policies of the school that say that to work with my ministry is against what the church holds as christian. they lift up the Gospel, a lived out gospel, and call out for the institution to see it.
2. in the daily ministries of those of us who work on the margins, who dare to live counter cultural lives. each day as i work i know that each step i take is threatening society with resurrection.
tonight i prepared a meal at matts for the streets, then andrew and i and one of the guys, s, 19 from the street went to a misfits concert. for me it was heartwarming to see s, be delighted as a child for me to include him with my friends,and to buy him a shirt. it was sad to see him rush out of the car and fix a hit on the street, all so sad. but being with andrew and hearing some live punk music which help me to express my anger was heller fun. Deo Gratis! Thanks be to God!
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Thursday, October 21, 2004
Lk. 12: 39-48
"You must be ready for the Son of Man will come at an hour u do not expect."
My day has been spent sending out faxes for day of dead, and listening: to 19 year old S, who just got out of jail, i gave him a belt and bought him some shoe strings, to b, 25, over dinner for his birthday as he talks about being off drugs, but nothing seems to change as far as being on the streets, 25 year old smoke, who asked me to be his payee, he is hiv plus, living in a sro, very lonely, and has a hard time navigating the varous systems; e, 22, paranoid on speed, lonely, says i am the only person he trusts right now, plus all the others i encounter on the street.
when i get distracted by other things, my mood, my fears, my doubts, my own sense of futility, i have to remind myself that in each of these is Jesus, and i must remain ready to meet him for he always come when i do not expect him.
Luke 12:49-53 "Those eyes. . ." i have heard over and over from people when i preach, when i am angry, when i am passionate. i have been told i am like a fire ball. well i imagine Jesus had angry, firy eyes as well. his words today are a reminder to those who follow him that being his follower does not always mean a peaceful existence--we who follow him bring fire in our challenges to the status quo and to the unjustice in the world.
these days as i reflect and talk to various kids at the roman school, i remind them that i make no apologies for the ministry i do. i was once told by a friend: "There is no valor in compromize," and i have found that to be true. I proclaim a gospel that calls into question the mores, the values of the church overall around sexuality, and drug use, and treatment of people, and that message is scary, very scary, it brings division, it brings anger, but over my desk hangs a painting by a homeless guy that reminds me daily: "A prophet is not called to be successful, but to be faithful." And so i pray that as i age the fire tempers me, but burns until the day it is put out by the breath of God. Deo Gratis! Thanks be to God!
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Tuesday, October 19, 2004
lK. 11: 42-46; LK. 11:47-54; Lk. 12:1-7; Lk. 12:8-12; Lk. 18:1-8; Lk. 10: 10-9; Lk. 12:35-38
The past week I have been just busy and tired at night, and embroiled in what as i look back is a reflection of what the Gospel is about. and the one verse that sums it up is:
TODAY: "Be Awake and Ready to Serve"
The Scriptures are about Jesus' conflict with institutional authorities of his day. The conflict which eventually escalated to him being killed. Those authorities just could not understand how this rebel had any thing worthwhile to say, in fact his calling into question their way of dealing with people, and treating people scared them to death--after all they had all the black and white answers.
This past week I have been told that a local roman catholic school will not be using temenos as a charity project after december because quote: "river is non-roman, and of the proximity to condoms and needles." to say this is not painful, to say i am not suffering would bed a lie, but i know is the consequence of trhe pathy i have chosen. The teacher in charge of this project has for the past year played loose with info of what we did, that is until the administration looked at the website. yesterday in the chronicle there was an editoral by a high school girl on her work at planned parenthood and how because of the culture of the federal government and schools, kids cannot truly learn about sex in schools. i read the national catholic reporter yesterday and am struck about how rigid the powers of the roman church are. this is the way institutions have been from the dawn of time. they build their structures based on power, they become theones in power, and anything that threatens the status quo is suspect.
the result is that people fall through the cracks, usually the people that need it the most.
when i first began ministry in a mainline denomination i tried playing the game, but despite the pension the salary, the prestige, i found that to play the game there was a cost--a cost to my integrity and to my own personal freedom. in the same way when i have worked in various social agencies the same as resulted. i remember one time being on staff, and having to take a person very sick with an hiv related illness to the hospital. my shift ended, the staff to replace me did not show up and so i stayed, and stayed, until another person came 12 hours later as this person laid dying. i was reprimanded for the over time, which i did not claim, and for breaking the rules for not being officially on duty. my response was: "I hope some day when u lay dying that there is someone who is willing to stay with u, despite the rules." i quit after that, and decided to starve and do this ministry full time.
i could have stayed within the system, but all that energy i would have placed into trying to change it, would have been lost on the thousands, and i mean thousands of lives i have touched in the last 10 years. for me to "be a wake, be dressed, and ready for service." is to stand outside the system, to be on the margins, and to do ministry to the poorest of the poor. in a world where aids is rampant to not see needles and condoms as life giving is heretical, plain heretical, and maybe not in my life time there will be a time when this time will be looked back upon as a very primitive time in regard to sexuality and drugs.
i could have stayed in a mainline church, but again, what the fuck why, to be stifled, to be pussy whipped by the powers that be, when thousands are suffering. i am catholic in theology, and so i chose another pathy, another community who recognizes my theology, but also the freedom to be.
and so matter what may be said, or done to me--"I am awake, dressed, and ready to serve." my lamp is lit, and in the footsteps of dorothy day, the berrigan brothers, i will pass that lamp on when my time comes. institutions, people, systems can never, put out the light of Jesus, the Jesus who is lifegiving, and who dares calls into question those systems who are death defying. Deo Gratis! Thanks be to God!
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