Saturday, September 25, 2004
Ecl. 11:9-12:8
Lk. 9:4345
As we approach the end of the liturgical years the scripture cycle turns to the ending of things. in the ot--the quester takes us through life to old age. this passage is one that i have followed since i was 14, and its ending is becoming more of a reality. the gospel has Jesus predicting his life's end.
they both remind us that we should live each moment at at time. i was reminded of that only minutes a go. as i crossed the street, for once on a green light, some fool ran the red light and came within a foot of hitting, a foot of pain, of crippling, of death. we only have the present moment. 25 year old M was standing at the bar, crying because he no longers wins the strip contests--his youth is fading--we only have the moment. 21 year old B, is increasingly in pain and struggling, we only have the moment.
today i ended a four year relationship with the accne, and temporary took one with the Diocese of Rumney Marsh. it is very painful for me, but for some reason it was time, and i know that in the moment there is hurt, but from thepain comes the resurrection.
the near accident and all i see reminds me that the only permanence there is in God. I remember my buddy Matt saying that someday seeing me regularly would end, and as i told him yes, but the friendship endures and we havee the moment to enjoy, all that is permanent and lasting is God's love. Deo Gratis! Thanks be to God!
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Friday, September 24, 2004
Lk. 9:18-22 "Who do people say that i am? Jesus had the crowds around him, they loved him as along as he healed the sick,fed them, but he knew they could be fickle and would turn on him.
a bishop once asked me "are u well liked?" pastors are judged often by their popularity. but i have found that i am liked, hated, and have people who have no opiionion. reputation goes up and down, but it is living out my integrity that ultimately matters.
matt and friends were up here to day, we hung out in the haight, it is good, it made my day. Deo Gratis! Thanks be to God!
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Thursday, September 23, 2004
Noon:
20 yr. old d got into building. has speed psychosis, has no conception of time or of anyone elses needs. seeing spiders, trying to change clothes, scattering all of his possessions, had to push him out. people wonder why i get frustrated, well dealing with people who have no sense of boundaries and are essentially totally self-centered does get to u.
spent afternoon cooking. served meal. student working on project came and we hung out and developed project. did my normal outreach.
Eccl. 1:2-11, Lk. 9:7-9
This past week i have been anxious to the point of having chest pains and tension headaches. But Ecc. reminds me that none of this ultimately matters, for all will passs away and be forgotten. all of our striving for money, security ultimately passes into the stream of time, and no one remembers.
for me this passage is a reminder that the only thing lasting is our relationship with God, and that only as we invest in that relationship do we find our peace, and know that ultimately we flow into God, and our immortality is with God. Deo Gratis! Thanks be to God!
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Wednesday, September 22, 2004
Proverbs 30:5-9, Lk. 9:1-6
Jesus sends his disciples out with the bare essentials; the proverbs tell us to have only enough. Ten years ago I came to San Francisco with an old car, little belongings, and an 8.50 hour job. I simply started doing ministry. i have always had what i needed, and that is all. Jesus asks us to depend upon the Word, and that is unltimately we have to depend upon. As i get older i remember the push by my parents to get an education in order to have security, but there is no security accept in the Word. We are to live, to trust in the Word, and in so doing all else comes to us that we need. Deo Gratis! Thanks be to God!
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Matthew 9:9-13. today has been the feast of st. matthew. in someways it is appropriate for my day. i have made a decision in which i will be entering a time in the wilderness with my church affiliation, largely because in many ways, i see ,i fit in with matthew and with Jesus in this story. We are who our friends are i have been told. well Jeesus became like the outcasts he hung out with or as the Message translation says "the riff raf". in the end he dies a criminals death. he felt at home with them because they knew they were at the bottom of the heap and were open.
I once saw this identification of Jesus with the "riff raf" as very romantic, well the romaticism has long ago worn off, for in the eyes of many i am who i hang out with--the prostitutes, drug addicts, the kids. i went to a punk rock concert tonight, where among the -pierced and mohawks i am more at home than on sunday morning in the church. i have been judged, rejected, and hated for those i hang out with.
but u know i have always been a trouble maker of one sort of another, i know what it is to be in trouble, to make trouble, and to fuck up, but u know--i can look a teen age boy or a person on speed or other drugs in the face and almost tell u what they are thinking--u know that is a great gift--a gift i would not trade for the acceptance of all the "righteous" any day.
and so today i remember the words in Mark at the tomb: "And Jesus goes before u into Galilee. ." that is what i bank my very life both now and eternally upon, troublemaker, fuck up, that i am. Deo Gratis! Thanks be to God!
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Tuesday, September 21, 2004
Proverbs 3:27-34; Luke 8:16-18
tonight numerous people were angry because i could not meet there needs. one kid screamed at me because i was not here today when he needed money for an id, another cussed me for not having candy, the drunk who threatened me was back calling me the "angel of death". and so what do these words of sacred writing have to say to this day: for me they say look for the good in people, rejoice in it and let the rest go. i certainly am a mixture and it shows. but praise God we can begin another day.
Deo Gratis! Thanks be to God!
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Sunday, September 19, 2004
Amos 8:4-7; Luke 16:1-13
Amos calls the people to task for their abuse of the poor, their greed, their lack of justice. and we have in the gospel a parable that is weired to say the the least. but try this view: Jesus tells us to be street wise in doing right--to be wise, crafty in seeking out doing justice, feeding the hungry, the poor. We are called to be street wise in practicing our faith and knowing that our Master gives us far more than any earthly greed can bring us. It is a call to faith--and what is faith. Sven Stolphe tells us is that faith is similar to climbing to the top of a high ladder, and then hearing a voice say: "jump and i will catch u, and then u jump." Utlimately in this life that is the choice, and for me it is a constant struggle, to trust completely in jumping, but it is only in jumping that we find life.
tonight a young man ran in front of me and yelled a question: "What can't Almighty God do?" and he followed with the answer: "God can't make us be perfect." and he is right, we have to make the choices for the way we live our lives.
Tonight as i walked the street there was one person or another touching, grabbing, asking for this or that. for the most part the choices they have made have put them where they are--and they make these choices over and over again because they seek acceptance. all of my life, i have sought acceptance--usually from an institution--but it is only when I center in God that i understand the the words of Tillick: "God is the means to have the courage to accept acceptance." I know in the good, the not so good, God accepts me, and when I center into God i know there is nothiong nor no one who separates me from that love. for my guys they struggle to find a center, only to find their center in those things that are destructive. Just think of what the world would be like if everyone could feel accepted for whom they are--Deo Gratis! Thanks be to God!
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