Friday, August 27, 2004
GospelMt 25:1-13Jesus told his disciples this parable:"The Kingdom of heaven will be like ten virginswho took their lamps and went out to meet the bridegroom. Five of them were foolish and five were wise. The foolish ones, when taking their lamps,brought no oil with them,but the wise brought flasks of oil with their lamps. Since the bridegroom was long delayed,they all became drowsy and fell asleep.At midnight, there was a cry,‘Behold, the bridegroom! Come out to meet him!' Then all those virgins got up and trimmed their lamps. The foolish ones said to the wise,‘Give us some of your oil,for our lamps are going out.' But the wise ones replied,‘No, for there may not be enough for us and you.Go instead to the merchants and buy some for yourselves.' While they went off to buy it,the bridegroom cameand those who were ready went into the wedding feast with him. Then the door was locked.Afterwards the other virgins came and said,‘Lord, Lord, open the door for us!' But he said in reply,‘Amen, I say to you, I do not know you.' Therefore, stay awake,for you know neither the day nor the hour."Lectionary for Mass
Todays reading and yesterdays are calling us to wake up, and at the end of todays we are told to "Stay awake."
for 31 year old J, the call of waking up came day before yesterday as he learned he had hiv, and told me how this is simply a part of his self destrutive path. yestereday as i prepared food and kids were at my door, 'kids', most 23, and it hit me how they have not woke up. they are not awake. they go from minute to the next in search of drugs, and whatever dulls them, and their lives just pass by. the years pass and they wake up at forty if they live that long, still "hanging out". for them the call to wake up may never come, and when it does it will be too late.
j, 21 had lunch with me today. he has been in and out of sf state for a number of years, always spending his student loans on drugs. he lives in the illusion that this will continue, and when his time comes to wakeup it will be too late, he will be caught in a web of lies, drugs, and debt.
for me for all of my life i have always wanted to be accepted by the church and her superiours, but the path i have chosen seems to decide likewise. i am outspoken, i call what i see. last week the synod meeting for me is a wake up. neither large nor small i do not fit into the institutional church. the gospel for me is on the margins and that call is a challenge to the church. where this wake up is leading i do not know, but i do know that i am on the threshold of a new phase of my journey.,
matt, aleisa, vicki helped me serve last night. had not seen matt in a week, it struck me how this summer has formed a tight bond with each other, and we both know that we accept each other for who we are without question. i have very few relatioships like that, in fact i can count them on my hand. and so matt is always a wake up for me of Christ in my life, the Jesus who accepts me without question, knowing my worst and best, that is a great gift.
Deo Gratis! Thanks be to God!
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Thursday, August 26, 2004
my day, what has my day consisted of. it consists of hanging out with an old friend from portland, of going to a demonstration against the tyranny in sudan, and lunch with jeff.
it has consisted of j, 32, finding out he is hiv positive, along counseling phone call with w, 21. depressed, suicidal. kicked out of hotel for being a smart ass, bi polar, a junkie. cannot keep appointments, structure, and wants someone to help him, and and then he will not accept that help. at the end of his rope, we talk, his plan is to see po tomorrow, promises to call me if he wants to hurt himself.
cooked rice for meal today, and did my rounds, and now night prayer, and so that is what my day consists of. Deo Gratis! Thanks be to God!
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Wednesday, August 25, 2004
Mt. 23:27-32: "Woe to u teachers. . ."
when Jesus spoke this he spoke to the religious leaders of his day. they believed they would hear the prophets, and heed their words, they believed the were truly following God. But Jesus was telling them that they were two faced, and that they were ignoring the commands of the Gospel. But what about today?
This morning at 3:00 a.m. as i was trying to finish the night i came a cross three young men, 19, 21, 20, and they had been rousted from sleeping in front of the church by the police. the church has asked the police to keep "those people" away from their building. Another church near by is struggling with whether or not to keep their homeless program going, they are tired of the dirt the anger etc.
i have recently been in a church meeting, and not a word was said about the marginalized, simply a group of the white privileged doing their thing.
I am not a good churchman, i am not always a loyal son of the institution. of the Church, but not of the institutiion because the institution ignors those at its doorsteps. It seeks to maintain its own survival at all costs, and so its wealth, and its privilege is only given to those of the same kind. if the local churches in sf would open their doors and provide housing there would be no one on the street. if the institutional church in general used its wealth the homeless problem would go away--if the church would be the church those of us who so talk of "poverty in spirit", would guarantee that all people would be fed, housed, and have health care--and then all of us could minister to our "poverty in spirit".
do i sound angry--hell ya, i am angry, and i am fucking glad. i walked home last night, with 24 year old W, just mumbling and out of his mind following me, with a 30 year old not knowing what food i was giving him; ya, i am angry, damn angry, and i will stay so until the hungry are fed, the naked clothed, the prisoner visited, the drug abuser and sex worker met with compassion and love.. fuck i am angry as hell! Deo Gratis! Thanks be to God!
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