Wednesday, July 14, 2004
its 2:30 a.m., i go out and as i walk in the darkness, with the neon lights shining through i encounter people who are but a shell of themselves: 36 year old D who always wants a hug and never really knows what is going on; C. 27 whose mind is blown on speed, and he walks around like a hurt little money; then there is 22 year old J, who sits by the bar, trying to get a date, obviously in pain, complaining of being dope sick, and then 20 year old B, who is a skeleton, trying to get the next fix, and dying in the process, slowly, but surely. Nietze said that "life is a journey in search of a Father or home." for me that is what my life has been a journey of search for a place to belong, a place of meaning and i can only find it in God. for these guys it is the same thing--u asked them what they want, it is a home, a place to belong. they search in drugs, in sex. i have one young friend who wants the next trip, the next high, all a search, a journey--but the journey to wholeness involves relationship and connection--all that drugs obliterate. And so the joureny continues on Polk. Deo Gratis! Thanks be to God!
july 15, 2:00 a.m.
today has been just that, today. went to see king arthur tonight. got a haircut, my barber told me he would give free haircuts to the guys if i found those that i would help get off the streets or "do something with themselves". great, as always, we must produce, there is no such thing as just giving for the sake of giving
svo, 19, and several others hung on to meet tonight, just so needy, so needy for attention. they push everyone away with their needs. constant begging for money. everyone looking out for himself, everyone on a mission, the way of the world in miniature.
and so i end this day with night prayer, and with the promise of Jesus to be with us, and in thanksgiving for a day's work. Deo Gratis! Thanks be to God!
*****************------------------------*****************
Tuesday, July 13, 2004
Mt 10:34-11:1
Jesus said to his Apostles:
"Do not think that I have come to bring peace upon the earth.
I have come to bring not peace but the sword.
For I have come to set
a man against his father,
a daughter against her mother,
and a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law;
and one's enemies will be those of his household.
"Whoever loves father or mother more than me is not worthy of me,
and whoever loves son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me;
and whoever does not take up his cross
and follow after me is not worthy of me.
Whoever finds his life will lose it,
and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it.
"Whoever receives you receives me,
and whoever receives me receives the one who sent me.
Whoever receives a prophet because he is a prophet
will receive a prophet's reward,
and whoever receives a righteous man
because he is righteous
will receive a righteous man's reward.
And whoever gives only a cup of cold water
to one of these little ones to drink
because he is a disciple–
amen, I say to you, he will surely not lose his reward."
When Jesus finished giving these commands to his Twelve disciples,
he went away from that place to teach and to preach in their towns.
Gospel
Mt 11:20-24
Jesus began to reproach the towns
where most of his mighty deeds had been done,
since they had not repented.
"Woe to you, Chorazin! Woe to you, Bethsaida!
For if the mighty deeds done in your midst
had been done in Tyre and Sidon,
they would long ago have repented in sackcloth and ashes.
But I tell you, it will be more tolerable
for Tyre and Sidon on the day of judgment than for you.
And as for you, Capernaum:
Will you be exalted to heaven?
You will go down to the nether world.
For if the mighty deeds done in your midst had been done in Sodom,
it would have remained until this day.
But I tell you, it will be more tolerable
for the land of Sodom on the day of judgment than for you."
Yesterday i put in over 20 hours, a funeral, a group. today i am worn out, but have a bad case of poison oak from my trip to the beach with sam to shoot fireworks.
last night was just crazy on the street, in fact it seems that people are just high out of their minds and most severely mentally ill. i have been alone for the past 8 hours in silence, oh how beautiful silence is, how beautiful. people are so needy and lonely that they just chatter on and on and on and after awhile all my energy is gone. d. keeps calling, and wanting to see me, and all he wants is attention. he is so needy.
the gospels for the past two days speak to my own journey. in the first we are told to take up our cross. for me this journey on polk is about the cross, it is about emptying myself. a part of that emptying is to be available. to be vulnerable and like in the second to know what ever i do will always be open to not be accepted, my task is to be faithful to that which i am called.
and so the journey continues, never boring, but always i say: Deo Gratis, Thanks be to God!
*****************------------------------*****************
|
HOME
