Saturday, May 22, 2004
Gospel
Jn 16:23b-28
Jesus said to his disciples:
"Amen, amen, I say to you,
whatever you ask the Father in my name he will give you.
Until now you have not asked anything in my name;
ask and you will receive, so that your joy may be complete
.
"I have told you this in figures of speech.
The hour is coming when I will no longer speak to you in figures
but I will tell you clearly about the Father.
On that day you will ask in my name,
and I do not tell you that I will ask the Father for you.
For the Father himself loves you, because you have loved me
and have come to believe that I came from God.
I came from the Father and have come into the world.
Now I am leaving the world and going back to the Father."
ASK IN MY NAME, ACCORDING TO MY WILL, AND HE'LL MOST CERTAINLY GIVE IT TO YOU. YOUR JOY WILL BE A RIVER OVERFLOWING ITS BANKS! (FROM THE Message)
tonight the streets are full of guys trying to find a date, people are asking for this and that. it is a micro of survival. today i have slept 20 out of 24 hours, just simply exhausted. waiting for a city employee to come and spend the night on street, to see what the "Population is like after midnight."
the gospel for today, especially from the Message had me thinking of my own life. So often we see God as that great "Sugar Daddy" or "Mother" in the sky. some of guys are always saying "Why does God let me live like this?" Christian groups come out proclaiming that if u accept Jesus everything will be alright.
this passage comes in the midst of Jesus' preparation for the passion, this is not an easy time--but he says our joy will over flow like a river if we ask in his will.
His will--what is the will of Jesus--my feelings are it is that we love God and our neighbor as ourselves, that we trust in God's love. Not that we will be given riches etc. of all that will go well.
In the past ten years i have found my joy over flowing like a river, not because of money, a lot of friends, but because all my life i asked that i might find identity with the poor, that i might live a life as close to the way is see the gospel in the works of mercy and voluntary poverty, and that prayer has been answered over and over. and with the joy has come much suffering, much fear, and, much pain at times--but always in the end there is a joy overflowing like a river. so be careful what u ask for, it might not be what u expect but if u look close u can find that joy over flowing like a river.
Deo Gratis! Thanks be to God!
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Friday, May 21, 2004
Gospel
Jn 16:20-23
Jesus said to his disciples:
"Amen, amen, I say to you, you will weep and mourn,
while the world rejoices;
you will grieve, but your grief will become joy.
When a woman is in labor, she is in anguish because her hour has arrived;
but when she has given birth to a child,
she no longer remembers the pain because of her joy
that a child has been born into the world.
So you also are now in anguish.
But I will see you again, and your hearts will rejoice,
and no one will take your joy away from you.
On that day you will not question me about anything.
Amen, amen, I say to you,
whatever you ask the Father in my name he will give you."
Today I was told i was not welcome in a study group of fellow catholic workers--no surprise--since over the years various members of this group have referred to me as "a trip", "different" and i suppose i am, but it still hurts--and brings up memories of other rejections.
my calling has been consistent of "living outside the gate", and so i do--
our gospel today reminds me that through our pain and suffering, we will find joy.
And so i find joy in andrew's call inviting me to a concert; in matt's mother offering to come in and be with me while i go to morgue.
we spend our time trying to escape from pain, from suffering, from difficulty, but it is only in when we face these "dragons" and face them and walk into the midst of them can we truly know joy.
Deo Gratis! Thanks be to God!
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Thursday, May 20, 2004
Gospel
Lk 24:46-53
Jesus said to his disciples:
"Thus it is written that the Christ would suffer
and rise from the dead on the third day
and that repentance, for the forgiveness of sins,
would be preached in his name
to all the nations, beginning from Jerusalem.
You are witnesses of these things.
And behold I am sending the promise of my Father upon you;
but stay in the city
until you are clothed with power from on high."
Then he led them out as far as Bethany,
raised his hands, and blessed them.
As he blessed them he parted from them
and was taken up to heaven.
They did him homage
and then returned to Jerusalem with great joy,
and they were continually in the temple praising God.
Today began for me at 11:00 a.m. having an argument with s, 19. he is a pain in the ass when he is high and i would not let him in the building. later when he was a little calmed down and coming down we talked, but he still does not understand his behavior./ then there was astro with his shoe polishing his skateobard wanting in to wash up;. and then d was lonely, and talked about how speed fills his void.
in much the same way as i read the gospel for today, on this day of the Ascension I am remined that the ascension is symbolic of Jesus being exalted after his crucifixion, but he had to go away in order to come again as the Holy Spirit. Only by leaving could he be present to everyone. the Holy Spirit comes to fill the emptiness, if we but let her, and so often we try to fill it with so much like money, drugs, sex, anything to avoid living with ourselves. but if we face ourselves and empty ourselves, the Holy Spiirt will come in, and fill it.
Deo Gratis! Thanks be to God!
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Tuesday, May 18, 2004
Gospel
Jn 16:5-11
Jesus said to his disciples:
"Now I am going to the one who sent me,
and not one of you asks me, ‘Where are you going?'
But because I told you this, grief has filled your hearts.
But I tell you the truth, it is better for you that I go.
For if I do not go, the Advocate will not come to you.
But if I go, I will send him to you.
And when he comes he will convict the world
in regard to sin and righteousness and condemnation:
sin, because they do not believe in me;
righteousness, because I am going to the Father
and you will no longer see me;
condemnation, because the ruler of this world has been condemned."
i have found myself simply very tired. last night k spent most of night sleeping on my couch. he was depressed and coming down from speed. also his sugar daddy is getting ready to cut him off. W, 24 who was in treatment for three months is using again, same old cycle over and over.
our gospel for today continues the theme of the Holy Spirit. In John the Holy Spirit is translated "Paraclete"--meaning "The continued presence of Jesus." In seminary I did a paper on the Paraclete because for me that understanding of the Holy Spirit made sense. to the disciples Jesus could be presence in a given place and a given time, but one the he returned in the Holy Spirit he is interiorized in all, he is alble to be present to all. Jesus lives in us, comforts us, strenthens us.
when he talks about the things of the world i think of how how needs so often take us to the idols of drugs, sex, money, and that if we but center ourselves in the Paraclete, go down deep within we find in the midst of whatever is going on a comforting presence. At some of the worst times in my life I have found that when I center myself i hear that still small voice--and i know that all will be well. Deo Gratis! Thanks be to God!
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Sunday, May 16, 2004
Gospel
Jn 14:23-29
Jesus said to his disciples:
"Whoever loves me will keep my word,
and my Father will love him,
and we will come to him and make our dwelling with him.
Whoever does not love me does not keep my words;
yet the word you hear is not mine
but that of the Father who sent me.
"I have told you this while I am with you.
The Advocate, the Holy Spirit,
whom the Father will send in my name,
will teach you everything
and remind you of all that I told you.
Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you.
Not as the world gives do I give it to you.
Do not let your hearts be troubled or afraid.
You heard me tell you,
'I am going away and I will come back to you.'
If you loved me,
you would rejoice that I am going to the Father;
for the Father is greater than I.
And now I have told you this before it happens,
so that when it happens you may believe."
Sundays Gospel especially speaks to me today. I have dealt with J, 22, whom i have known since he was 14. struggling with speed habit; and then j who is psychotic. the past two days i have spent a good 12 hours in one on one's, all very intense.
there are times when i get down and just want to give up or i am facdd with criticism and opposition and it is then that there is still small voice within me that gives me the strength, that comforts me, and gives me the assurance to take one step at a time. that voice is the Holy Spirit, The Advocate, Comforter. Without that strength of the presence of the Spirit I would have been dead or quick long ago.
Deo Gratis! Thanks be to God
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