Saturday, May 15, 2004
Gospel
Jn 15:18-21
Jesus said to his disciples:
"If the world hates you, realize that it hated me first.
If you belonged to the world, the world would love its own;
but because you do not belong to the world,
and I have chosen you out of the world,
the world hates you.
Remember the word I spoke to you,
‘No slave is greater than his master.'
If they persecuted me, they will also persecute you.
If they kept my word, they will also keep yours.
And they will do all these things to you on account of my name,
because they do not know the one who sent me."
I went to bed at 5:30 a.m. this morning. the "girls" were out all night, needing condoms and some of the guys needed someone to talk to. it is always a crazy seen that early in morning, pimps screaming at the girls, johns cruising trying to get a cheap deal--humanity trying to survive, victims and victimizers. and i stand in the center as this figure who seems neutral to all sizes.
i took out b for his 19th birthday and he is sleeping on the futon as i do this. he will wake up and go out to make money soon. he commented how he feels safe with me and how i take care of him.
all of this fits into the Gospel for today is that as i stand in the center of what is "the world", and seek to be a presence of Jesus, i am hated, by johns, who resent me or or jealous, by the girls and guys because i can not meet all my needs, by churches who do not understand what i do and see all that is done is encouraging and enabling drug use and prostitution; hated what for me is my calling from Jesus.
so who is right? well? for me i listen to that inner voice--for ultimately that is where i hear Jesus, and no one's opinion matters. Just me and him!
Deo Gratis! Thanks be to God!
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Friday, May 14, 2004
Gospel
Jn 15:9-17
Jesus said to his disciples:
"As the Father loves me, so I also love you.
Remain in my love.
If you keep my commandments, you will remain in my love,
just as I have kept my Father's commandments
and remain in his love.
"I have told you this so that my joy might be in you
and your joy might be complete.
This is my commandment: love one another as I love you.
No one has greater love than this,
to lay down one's life for one's friends.
You are my friends if you do what I command you.
I no longer call you slaves,
because a slave does not know what his master is doing.
I have called you friends,
because I have told you everything I have heard from my Father.
It was not you who chose me, but I who chose you
and appointed you to go and bear fruit that will remain,
so that whatever you ask the Father in my name he may give you.
This I command you: love one another."
I went with matt and andrew to a slipknot concert last night, they spent night and i took them to school this morning, made some calls, and have been sleeping. i remember a minister friend who said to me once that "any adult who likes rock music has some very serious maturity issues." well thats me. i think for me the music, especially punk music, expresses the ancharist and anger i have towards the status quo. besides it is fun, bruce was boring, and i am sure still is, and i have fun.
in the same way i read the same into the gospel for today--"I command u to love one another as I have loved u. .keep my commandments."
what commandments--but the Great Commandment: "You shall love the Lord ur God with all your heart, your soul and strength and ur neighbor as yourself." to command to love--it is a command to respect ourselves and our neighbor as God loves and respects us.
i live in grey areas, but the bottomline for me is"no abuse" to ones body or to anothers, meaning violence of any kind--all this is counter culture as we look at our news every day--prison beatings, war etc.
"To lay down ur life for ur friends. . ." we lay down our lives in many ways--mine is giving myself in service to the poor and in living the way that i do, committing myself to people that are not loved very often. what is urs?
To summarize our reading Meister Eckhart says: "God needs our friendship so much that He cannot wait for us to pray to Her: He approaches us to be her friends, and even begs us to be his friends."
God in Christ still comes to us needing our friendship so much that Jesus sees beyond our violence to that divine spirit in each of us.
people asked why i put up with the violence etc--the reason Jesus puts up with me, how can i do no other. In these guys i meet Jesus at his rawness. Deo Gratis!Thanks be to God!
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Thursday, May 13, 2004
Gospel
Jn 15:1-8
Jesus said to his disciples:
"I am the true vine, and my Father is the vine grower.
He takes away every branch in me that does not bear fruit,
and everyone that does he prunes so that it bears more fruit.
You are already pruned because of the word that I spoke to you.
Remain in me, as I remain in you.
Just as a branch cannot bear fruit on its own
unless it remains on the vine,
so neither can you unless you remain in me.
I am the vine, you are the branches.
Whoever remains in me and I in him will bear much fruit,
because without me you can do nothing.
Anyone who does not remain in me
will be thrown out like a branch and wither;
people will gather them and throw them into a fire
and they will be burned.
If you remain in me and my words remain in you,
ask for whatever you want and it will be done for you.
By this is my Father glorified,
that you bear much fruit and become my disciples."
Tonight has been a night that just seems surreal. had dinner at a french restaurant with two friends and all they talked about was getting old and having enough for retirement. to me it was depressing, especially as we talked about the homeless. it brought up alot of my own thoughts about death, and also about what life is all about.
then i come home and begin the rounds.S and K are at my door. S basically pleads me out of a hoodie and kept on and on with asking, until i got angry. these guys never seem to understand that this is not a limitless world.
and then down the street. people were high or just simply crazy, walking around in bath robes. one kid kept nagging at me to come into the alley and "shoot him up."
the gospel for the 12th remindw me that as long as we are connected to the vine, that that is our center that we have nothing to worry about. we are balanced and know to whom we belong. as i have said before it is when I am cut off from the True Vine that i get unbalanced, and is why i spend so much time in solitude and prayer and staying centered in the Scriptures.
all of these guys are cut off from a center, a nourishment. S, 19 is completelyl alienated from his family and from every one else.he has no idea how drugs affect his behavior. those who are psychotic are simply in their own world.
and so the message of the gospel for the 12th for me is that staying connected to the True Vine provides the balance and security to live out this life. Deo Gratis! Thanks be to God!
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Tuesday, May 11, 2004
Gospel
Jn 14:27-31a
Jesus said to his disciples:
"Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you.
Not as the world gives do I give it to you.
Do not let your hearts be troubled or afraid.
You heard me tell you,
‘I am going away and I will come back to you.'
If you loved me,
you would rejoice that I am going to the Father;
for the Father is greater than I.
And now I have told you this before it happens,
so that when it happens you may believe.
I will no longer speak much with you,
for the ruler of the world is coming.
He has no power over me,
but the world must know that I love the Father
and that I do just as the Father has commanded me."
Today i learned of the diagnosis of lung cancer of a colleague. my heart saddens, and am reminded of my own father's death from the disease. when i shared this info with another friend, she responded ". . . .will make a beautiful angel." it made me sick to my stomach, just literally sick. that is superficial shit, frankly. for the days ahead will be very, very painful for my colleage, she will suffer physically, but emotionally the fears and doubts that will assail here.
for me our scripture today reminds me that the peace we are given by Jesus is not that state of no pain, no coonflict, but it is the peace of knowing that we are not abandoned. that nothing in death or life or life beyond death can ever separate us form the love of God as found in Jesus.
Deo Gratis! Thanks be to God!
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Monday, May 10, 2004
the daily readings for sunday and monday have been John 13:31-35; Jn. 14:21-26. We are "commanded" to love. command is a harsh word, how can u command someone to love. I was recently asked "how do u see Jesus in people, and how do u continue to show love for people?" we think of love as a touchy feely emotion, that gives us warm, cuddly feelings. Dorothy Day called love "a harsh and dreadful thing." It was love that nailed Jesus to a cross, and got Martin Luther King Jr. shot.
love is not touchy, feely for me when i get little sleep, like last night because people continually get in the building, it is not touchy feely for me when i am spit at, ridiculed, hated, and sometimes attacked verbally and physically.
We are separated from the other animals because of our capactity to love. We are born to love, we are born to act with kindness to one another, we are born to be sensitive to others. and so i will apologize to TJ for yelling at him when he waks me up for a needle and says: "u said come to u for our needs." in those eyes of pain and fear there is Jesus.
how do i see Jesus in people--it is not a questin i can logically answer or teach--for me it just is. how can i love, it means that even when i am hurting, and think dreadful thoughts i hear the command to love and i act out with kindness, which leads to a release and peace, and acceptance of others. love is harsh, dreadful, dirty, not touchy feely. Love is God.
Deo Gratis! Thanks be to God!
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