Tuesday, March 30, 2004
went to a protest last night, dinner with keenan. today has been hectic and just intense. had a memorial service for jim mccall, as alwayss very sad withfour or five people. several of the guys have just tugged and grabbed at me. a is dope sick, trying to borrow money from, screaming how sick he is, finally have to simply raise my voice, he pleads, begs. then there is k, 21, who is spun out wanting me to drive him a cross town for what in his mind is a major emergency, and when i tell him know, just throwss a temper fit on the street. he probably want remember it next time i see him, he is so spun out. they are all like infants, the only world they know is there own, and they are the center of it. j, 25, is sick too, dope sick, and moans and complains, hopeing i will give him money. il ask him if maybe he could take all of this timed that consumes him to get dope to put it into treatment, and then we have complete silence. and so it goes over and over, desperation and pain.
and in the end all i can be is a presence of Jesus. Deo Gratis! Thanks be to God!
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Monday, March 29, 2004
Finally getting to bed. faxing press releases for good friday. tonight i found myself having to withdraw for a time. j, 20 and c, 21, both spent time talking to me, both feeling sorry for themselves and the lives they lead. they are trapped by demons that are out of control, just completely drained me.
had group here last night, people kept talking about their fears, and expectations for helping people. what i have discovered that if u do not come to the point where u expect nothing in return, and know u are giving for the sake of giving, and for the sake of the Gospel, that u will burn out. over the years i have let go of all expectations, and slowly just give for the sake of giving, and that is reward enough.
It is strange how in giving urself a way ur find urself. Deo Gratis! Thanks be to God!
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