Friday, March 19, 2004
I went to bed last night at 1 a.m. and woke up at 5 p.m. today, boy was i exhausted. visited three people in the mental health/drug treatment unit today. first thing i was asked: "Do you have any points" drugs take over peoples lives, and u combine that with mental illness then it virtually become an impossible situation. in looking at supposed solutions to homelessness, one must look at places just to care for people who cannot care for themselves.
people have been demanding, so out of it i am not so sure they know what they are saying. i notice that people really get out there when there is a heavy police presence. the only way they can cope with their fears is to use drugs.
why do this? why put up with this? because this is where God is. deo gratis! thanks be to God!
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Post Date: Fri Mar 19, 08:36:21 PM
A JOURNEY WITH THE STATIONS OF THE CROSS
During Lent this year I am reflecting on my own life using the Stations of the Cross. The two books that are being used as a sprngboard are: The Journey to Peace By Joseph Cardinal Bernadin and Cardinal Beradin’s Stations of the Cross by Eugene Kennedy. Each Friday or Saturday I will post my reflections during the week of my journey with the Stations.
JESUS IS CONDEMNED TO DEATH
Jesus began his movement to the condemnation of Pilate the first moment he began ministry. His was a daily condemnation as he confronted the evils of his society. He knew that as long as he continued to live as he lived he would die.
For me my journey with this Station began from the first moments of ministry as I struggled with how I would serve God. Ten years ago I began this street ministry and in its struggles I know now that was the beginning of the end of me accepting condemnation. A number of years ago a priest friend commented to me: “River you knew when you came here you were accepting a cross. You are placing yourself in danger of crucifixion in the form of physical death, your reputation, from disease, and all sorts of other forms of violence.” And so through these years I have been the subject of physical attacks, rumors, constant rumors, rejected, abused verbally and physically. Financially it is month to month. My best earning years are behind me, and I face the future with the same. Three years ago I came face to face with this acceptance. I came to a cross roads in faith and in the ministry. I moved through that dark time to a deeper understanding of the cross I have chosen to bear, and know that I too journey to Calvary, and that that is the call of Jesus.
JESUS BEARS HIS CROSS
At the heart of the invitation to follow Jesus is the cross. Following Jesus is not for sissies, for his way calls into questions the primary values of society. Jesus began bearing his cross from the first moments of his ministry.
A minister friend reminds me when I come under fire: “You are a truth teller.” Over my desk hangs a painting of the cross with syringes in the center and the words: “A prophet is not called to be successful, but to be faithful.” And so I bear the cross of being a witness against the primary values of society. I work with people that no one else wants to work with and I receive the same treatment and abuse—called names, threatened, and misunderstood. But I know that this is a part of bearing the cross and beyond the cross is the resurrection. Deo Gratis! Thanks be to God!
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Thursday, March 18, 2004
Spent tuesday and tuesday night at the beach. the ocean always helps me to dream and put life into the context of eternity.
came home to the "usual". R, 24, got kicked out of a drug program, for threatening staff. of course his story is staff threaten him etc, etc. we talked of consequences of violent behavior, in his case, back to jail, he got angry, said he would rather spend time in jail then to lose "respect." b. used phone and was talking to a friend about him beating someone up in jail. violence is a way of life for these guys, theycannot seem to understand that there are other ways. but how can they when our own government uses violences to be the "tough guy". Bush will fight before he loses "respect". and so my day goes, and as i go through the day i am reminded that in these encounters is the Christ.
May the all powerful Lord grant us a restful night, and a peaceful death. Deo Gratis! Thanks be to God!
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Monday, March 15, 2004
there is a tired that permeates my very being. it is a tiredness that tells me that after easter i have to get away for several weeks. people wonder how come i get tired, how come i keep my tuesday day off sacred. i spent several hours this afternoon with 20 year old J, he was moaning about his life and wanting to change it. he shared how he suffers etc. and he is just one of the many i hear during the week. i enter in the journies of these guys, i walk with them, i feel their pain, their emptyness, their loneliness, their futility. and so a drainiing takes place. that vital part of me that is so energetic, my own spirit begins to ebb as I give it away. i have to get away to replenish it. that is why i pray the liturgy of the hours and daily eucharist everyday they sustain me. and to the professionals who remind me of keeping that famous "professional distance" i remind them of the words of One who said that one finds his life only by giving it away. and if one looks at the gospels to live the kingdom life is to give it away in our love. and so as polk street turns continues, and so do i with the concluding words of night prayer as my benediction for tonight: "May the all powerful Lord grant us a restful night and a peaceful death." Deo Gratis Thanks be to God!
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Sunday, March 14, 2004
the past five days have been busy. i took tuesday and wednesday off at the beach, my body seems to have tiredness running through it. i have been asked what tires me about this work. a ministry of presence, personalism, spiritual direc tion is about listening, being present with someone. and so this week i have been presences with S who is trying to kick h, continuing crying about wanting to get off the street; D, 18, who seems to have speed psychosis sitting on my couch just hanging on to me in his fear, and then just watching people in the doorways suffer each night is draining, so draining. I always find it funny when i take people out and they can only think of how much we give out, rather than seeing that the time we stand around is what it is all about. tonight, and most every night I move from the bar, to this corner or that, and simply hang out, listening, talkig, simply being there, and that is what a ministry of presence is about.
I often wonder who really cares, or who even remembers, but I know that God does, and that is all that matters in the eternal scheme of things. Deo Gratis! Thanks be to God!
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