slept until 1:00 p.m., went to doctor, have to have some tests. from that time on my day has been packed. tonight has been one person after another with pain and simply reacting to drugs. a mother in a restaurant sat down at my table and asked me if i would talk to her son, he is depressed, r was raped last night, he cried for an hour on my shoulder on the sidewalk, D was here for several hours high as a kite on speed or something else, just talking weird stuff, t asked me what i thought of a guy offering him a college education if he would live with him and have sex with him. i told him that nothing is free and i would not trust that. and so goes "As Polk Street Turns". People wonder how i can deal with people in such pain and fucked up. it is not a matter of dealing, it is a matter of knowing that only in embracing suffering, our own and others, and it is not to be feared, that one truly meets the christ, and in each one tonight it was Jesus that i listened. He was present with me in everyone. Deo Gratis!Thanks be to God!
*****************------------------------*****************
Wednesday, February 18, 2004
i have been sleeping hours these past three days. it has been rainy. i am having some bleeding and have to go to the doctor. there is a sense. i find people more and more intense;. i could give a person a 100needlees are twenty sandwiches and it would never be enough. if ind myself having to be harder and harder with boundaries, i have been yelled at, screamed at, because i cannot meet someone's immediate need at that particular time. i sometimes i think if i would get sick or died no one would really miss me or care, no not one. i have been asked why i continue to serve people who are "servant resistant", a new name for fuck up and "sociaopaths" laregely because i see in each one the face of God--it is hard at times, but I do, and so i keep on keeping on. Deo Gratis! Thanks be to God!
*****************------------------------*****************