Saturday, January 10, 2004
i have felt exhausted these three or four days. the flu comes and goes. there is much stress on streets, people are really high, and lately out of it. k has been in and out of hospital in sacramental. stfo quit drugs and then back on, same oh cycle. one of the female sex workers was shot on the corner of bush night before last, a car drove up and shot her in the leg.
and so it goes. Deo Gratis! Thanks be to God!
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Wednesday, January 07, 2004
as usual i go into the weekend tired. had a good day off yesterday. went and saw the final Lord of Rings. One of the reasons i like this story is that Frodo reminds me of myself. He is on a quest, and nothing gets in his way. People have often wondered why i am so stubborn and persistent about ministry, and especially the ministry of presence now, and it is because this is not a job for me. it is a vocation, but more importantly it is a quest, a journey to God, to Calvary. these past days i have been experiencing alot of darkness around thinkning of my mortality and what death is like. The scripture today is Jesus calming the storm, and he says "Don't be afraid." for me that is where it lies on this journey to trust in that Jesus, and even in my fear llke Froto to push on. Deo Gratis! Thanks be to God!
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Sunday, January 04, 2004
glenda hope asked me today: "What keeps u going?" it is my faith the knoweldge that this is a quest i am called to, and that it is not my responsibility to save the world, but to simply do what i am called to do in this time given to me. this journey is a journey of giving myself away, totally, until i flow into the presence of God.
these past nights everyone is either high, out of their minds on drugs or the severely mentally ill are out there. i have not had one clear conversation, out of 40 tonight. the drugs seem more and more prevalent, my guess is that it is cold, people are desperate and so they turn to the one thing that gets them through it.
i thought last night how easy it would be to stay high, not deal with the questions of meaning, life or death, but stay high until death comes, but there would be no fun in the journey, it would be to easy. the journey for me is fun because there is always a struggle--the struggle--the fight--oh that is the fun.
one of the passages this week was where john the baptist said of Jesus: "Behold the Lamb of God." a lamb is a animal that has very little protection, is one of the most vulnerable of God's creatures. and here is Jesus--becoming vulnerable to the cares and pressures of humanity. that is our calling to be vulnerable in order that others might find life. my vulnerability is in the poverty i struggle with, in the threats, and in the demands. Deo Gratis! Thanks be to God!
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