Saturday, December 20, 2003
a rainy day. spent afternoon at hospital with K, who has gained 15 pounds and whines all the time; this afternoon S, 19 hung out, talked of feeling like he is worthless, wanting to cut himself, and i kept telling him how valulable he was. tonight went and saw play about six death row inmates who were not guilty. left with a sense of how unfair our justice system really is,confirming what i experience on streets--if u have money system works for u, if u do not u are fucked. did outreach, and now going to make one more round and go to bed, i am tired, still recovering from flu. some days it is just one moment at a time. Deo Gratis! Thanks be to God!
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Thursday, December 18, 2003
I am sick and nauseated today, yet preparing a meal. i am reminded in the preparing for the coming of Jesus, that God works with us where we are and who we are. that is why in the darkest of times i see the face of Christ, the broken body, but still Jesus. last night i was in an internet cafe talking to this guy who is nearing 50 but been on the streets selling drugs forever, is satisfied with where his life is. he was looking at a "teen gay web siite" and even though sickened at first when i talked to him as he shared his pain i saw the face of Jesus, broken, wounded by life, and warped but stilll loved. Deo Gratis" Thanks be to God!
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Wednesday, December 17, 2003
also to all of u who get shocked by my misspelled words, remember i am just letting it flow,if u want to corret them feel free, r
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Someone emailed me today: "Where is ur blogg?" for one we have had publishing problems and for another i have been sick, and have been in bed. i hate colds andflu, but in having to stay still i look at many of my own dragons and often think how i want to be remembered when i die, and all i can think of is that of a "faithful servant", someone who tried to be faithful to his best ability. received a letter from a former priest in jail for 16 years for sex abuse and now is stuck in that no mans land of the new law of not letting offenders out when they served their time, the same day a letter from one of the kids, now 23 in jail i have known forever. I was overcome with the darkness of their lives as they described their past and their offenses and that darkness hovered over me. it continued to hang as i visited K in the hospital; who is struggling with a chronic illness, yet seems to not understand he may be dead before he is 21 if he does not stop drugs. tonight i saw J who is 30, trying to "get his life together" for the 100th time, there is much sadness and darkness here. all i can do is look to Jesus, and trust in him. ultimately that is all we have. Deo Gratis! Thanks be to God!
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