Friday, December 12, 2003
last night as i prepared the food and then prayed over it "May this food become Christ's body and blood for those we serve" i felt a strange warmness and a sense of knowing my place. maybe i don't really accomplish great things, but in some lives i can bring the warmth of Christ, and in the end that is enough. went shoppint with Mary today to buy gifts for everyone, it was great picking out hoodies and things needed to give on xmas eve. went to hospital to see k, to takehim some food and to give him his xmas gift. his face brightened and that was enough for me. Deo Gratis! Thanks be to God!
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Thursday, December 11, 2003
as i sit here, i have a oil lamp burning, which is symbolic of the eye of God. I burn it to remind me always that God is present. i find myself overwhelmed by the black dog today. the election, an intern who quit, seem to drain me. i met yesterday with a pastor from an evangelical denomination. as always they have all the answers. last night a outreach coordinator went out with me to see the terriory and he wrote down demongraphics and talked of growth and all they can do. i wonder if i am a failure sometimes, if i am fooling myself about being even useful. i sit last night for several hours at the hospital with k, and he called today and talked for an hour, lonely, needing extra food and cigarettes. i simply listened, and i wondered to myself, is that really of value. i hear success measured in terms of money, numbers, and i am asked how many i have moved off the streets. success for me is simply be a presence of the grace of God and I am not very good at that i fear sometimes. and so as i sit here in the presence of God all i can do today is rest in those arms, and trust. Deo Gratis! Thanks be to God!
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Tuesday, December 09, 2003
the couple of days have been rather draining and yet rewarding. spent yesterday with my spiritual director. we went out to mavorite and to pacifica. it was a beautiful day. but the kids have been draining. they ask for so much, far more than any one can give them. each one believes he is the center of his own little world. i take bear who is in the hospital chicken that i fried and he bitches because it is not kentucky fried chicken. 26 yr. old king d calls repeated not understanding why i cannot give him money. the neediness is intense. the election today is depressing, newsome will win, just a repeat of brown if not worse. continued oppression of homeless without looking at their needs. and so it goes. advent is here, we prepare for Christ, and Jesus is here, that I know, but sometimes that is all i have to hold on to is the hope of that presence. the black dog and are companions today and Jesus is with us. Deo Gratis! Thanks Be to God!
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