Friday, October 31, 2003
yesterday and today have been busy, and difficult. yesterday as i was going to a press conference dressed in clericals one of the older guys started yelling at me accusing me that i was not a real priest, just kept yelling. i had jell, 20 at my door the night before, falling a sleep on my floor, after being up for 2 days. was going to college, but dropped out because of drugs, sleeping from couch to couch. just a kid who is simply slipping into a world that will be hard to get out of, slowly, but steadily. had a long conersation with one of my interns. she wants more "people time" when the reality is all the things we have to do that appears to be shit work. getting ready for sunday is stressful. all of this is just life, and i let my temper get the best of me sometimes, but i am human. Deo Gratis!Thanks be to God!
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Wednesday, October 29, 2003
Today is the 8th anniversary of my ordination to the priesthood. my first ordination as a united methodist minister was that of my youthful dreams, and the one to the priesthood came after much suffering and pain, and for me the committment in that ordination has been to a path of the cross. the priesthood runs through my blood, it is the very essence of who i am now. i stand in the line of the those who have held the tradition and passed it on, and through the priesthood sacramentally i represent that line as Christ in our midst.
today jonno came by, come off a cycle of speed. talked about how he sees his way of life as a death wish, and how he wished his life was perfect. i talked to him about how we are all fragile and broken human beings and that our journeys are about struggling with the suffering in our lives. he wants an easy answer, and the suggesetions of treatmentg etc that i have he does not want. he has left numerous program's. he has tried numerous spiritualities and always wants the easy answers, and so all i can say is--i am here,to listen, and to care, but ultimately u must make ur choices, and i will help u when u do to carry them out.
and so on this eighth anniversary of my priesthood, and my second career in ministry, instead of stained glass windows i have speed freaks, heorine addicts, and all sorts of young adults at my door. instead of a nice parsonage i live in one room, and live from day to day rather than a pay check, and for me this is the best of all lives, and the most joyous. Deo Gratis!Thanks be to God!
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Tuesday, October 28, 2003
last night around 1 a.m. i received a phone call from sp, whom i have known since he was 13. he is 22, has been living in knoxville, on methadone, a girlfriend and a job. he got "bored" arrived in the City at 9:00 a.m. overdosed by 11:00. he nearly died, was broke, desperate and afraid. my first response inside is why can;t you ever learn that this city is poison for you. but then i know that the reality is that he knows that but that there are demons he fights that sometimes win out. he wants to go back to knoxville, but no money. his dad want talk to him, and he finds out the men he know simply want to have sex with him. and so we talk of possible solutions, but in the ennd all i could do was listen and give him some food; then 30 year old ashley called me today,had met him one time we think, but he had my card, which has on the back "if you need to talk call". his girlfriend was in the psych ward, he was afraid and just wanted to talk and so for an hour we talked, in the end all we can do is just listen. we live in a society that has no time to listen to people. our pastors are too busy, our doctors are too busy, our therapists charge to much, and our friends are too busy. we need to listen more, for i have found that is basically what i do and in that listening there is healing. God works through the listening ear. Deo Gratis!Thanks be to God!
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Monday, October 27, 2003
last night was hellacious. luck whom i have known for along time, was very threatening with me, telling me"get the hell away from me, before it hit you." and then another duke was screaming "this is a male prostitution street, u are brining drug addicts here." it was painful for me to hear luck respond that way to me. granted he looked totally fucked up on drugs, but whenever one of the guys comes at me like that i feel the pain of rejection. i is always a reminder to me that ministry is about being there in "season and out of season" and not about just being liked. it is a reminder to me that these guys have trouble with relationships for a reason and it is a reminder to me of my own anger that comes out and how inappropriate i can be at my worst and how we all need the grace of God and then geof was sick, dope sick, could not make money. his face showed his disgust as i watched the old men paw up against him grabbing his dick, smirking, just trying to "grab a feel". i know how he feels--like an object just there for someone elses use to be used and to be thrown away. and so it goes--my own little part of the the world--anger, rejection, disgust, violence--and yet God is present in it all getting her hands dirty, trying to love us back into his grace. Deo Gratis!thanks be to God!
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