Saturday, October 25, 2003
last night was hot, hot as hell, but i loved it, reminds me of new orleans in the summer. people were rowdy. there seems to be more and more a sense of desperation among some of the guys i have known for a while. justy who is 27 pleased with me repeatedly to buy him a cd player, just could not understand when i said know. and i thought back how desperate he was for what i believe is his need to be affirmed through a material item and how at his age or any age it would never occurred to me to beg anyone for anything, let along a cd player. sam, was upset because her boyfriend was away for several hours and someone urinated on her $45.00 purse while she was sleeping. and so the night went. i have noticed how heavily medicated people are on drugs now, more so than ever. there is this need to cover the pain up. it makes me angry when i see people not understand that these so called druggies are just fragile, broken beings, the very image of jesus, who are simply trying to cope with life. granted they make terrible choices, but they are still fragile humanbeings, god how fragile they are, really fragile. i got angry at a young guy the other day for trying to sneak needles out of my place and for sneaking a hit of crack in my place. he really took it personally, and i realize how fragile they are, and also my own capabilities of being such a bastared. the daily readings this week have been from the book of romans, paul talking about the struggle of the flesh and spirit. what i think that paul is saying is that allof us are human beings who struggle, and struggle, and ultimately we only have the grace of God to depend on. i know how much i need that grace, i am such a fucking bastard.! Deo Gratis! thanks be to God!
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Friday, October 24, 2003
the past two days have been harried. night before last was heller long. the streets were filled with people high on speed and drunk and there was constant tension and conflict. then at 3:00 a.m. danillo urgently buzzed me. he had been at my place and was going down polk when someone came up from behind and put something to his forehead, he pushed the guy down and the guy shot him in the leg. the bullet went through his leg. he was traumatized, and would not go to hosptital because they would report to police and he had warrents. and so i bandaged his leg and spent the next two hours being with him. the rest of thursday was spent cooking and preparing for the evening meal in hemlock alley and i went to bed at 11:00 p.m. just exhausted. this incident continually highlights for me the violence, the in humanity we have towards each other. whereever we turn we see violence--the paper is full of it, our schools are full of it. i have known d for years, since he was 15. he continues to struggle with addiction, sexual identity issues, is moving to New York in order to get a fresh start, only to repeat his cycle i would imagine. in him i see Christ crucified over and over and i love him for who he is. that is all i can do. Deo Gratis!Thanks be to God!
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Wednesday, October 22, 2003
got back from wooberry station va yesterday. still recovering from time change. great experience speaking in chapel last sunday. people seem to know when i get back. jal, 23 whom i have known since he was 13, shows up upset over speed use, and over getting "older". he is moving to new york for a change. he is depressed, knows he is repeating the same cycle over and over. what we both know is that we are just old friends and he can be himself with me and for the moment that is enough; cross is at my door crying that he has to leave, wants money for bus home, i give him some places to call, but he wants it "right now", and i know hedoes this all the time. begging me for money. it hurts, very much to see him in pain, but he has done this for the three years i have known him. comes wanting to go home, even if i had money for a ticket and would buy him ticket, he would want the money, and so he goes his way, jonsing, needing his drugs.each one of them the broken body of Christ, each one suffering the pain of the cross. Deo Gratis! Thanks be to God!
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