Saturday, October 04, 2003
The Feast of St. Francis. today we celebrated my nineth anniversary on polk today. it was a great lunch, with my friends, and as i look back to nine years ago it has been great. death, 19, is sick in alley, wants asperin, refuses to go to hospital. met 18 year old greg, just got here from AZ, been on the streets for 6 years, using h for 2. talked of his struggle day to day. chilly tonight.
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Friday, October 03, 2003
people often asked me why i choose to live in this world. like nero in the matrix, i choose to because it is the real world--dirty, devious, everything out in the open. our inhumanity to our fellow human beings is all here--this is the real world, the world in which jesus lived and died because of that inhumanity. he got himself dirty, and so must i to find that realness. one of the guys stole one of my prize beanies last night while i was distracted, it makes me mad as hell, and i get tired of having to watch every move people make. last night at the dinner in the alley one of my volunteers commented as people would go to the needle exchange first before getting their food: "well they seem to have their priorities." and it is true, their drugs come before all else, hence people always hungry. i am so fucking low on money and my priorities are rent, food for me and the brats, but for them all else comes second to drugs. the question arises: why care, why feed people who don;t care enough about themselves to feed themselves, why care, and all i can think of that is what jesus would do, he would not let people go hungry. and so the saga continues. Deo Gratis! Thanks be to God!
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Thursday, October 02, 2003
i have been out of town and ill. went to boston for meeting, got sick, in hospital. sick off and on since. i feel today like i am staring in a black hole, money is so short, so short, i feel so bad. last night was crazy, just crazy. 20 year old jonas,dressed up in a mixture of clothes, sit and talked of all the "demon" that are chasing him, using speed to compsensate, and in the process becoming psychotic. there were drunks screaming at the top of their lungs on the street, The Way, 24 was drunk as a skunk, kept coming on to me, and got angry when i pushed him away; josias, 22, just out of prison, talked about how difficult life is out of jail, getting depressed, dancing in nude clubs, setting himself up to continue the cycle, wanted my advice, but suggestions fo seeing doctor for depression and support groups all went in one ear and out the other. these guys never seem to learn, never, and then it becomes too late.
as bitcy and irritable as i am, i know that in season and out of season God is present, and that with much, and without much God is present, and so in God;s grace and love i must trust and rest. Deo Gratis!
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