Friday, August 29, 2003
(august 29,03, all names changed,) I am tired. served a meal last night, and did not get to bed until 5:00 a.m. had a social work student with me all night who was surprised at all the he saw, could not believe the drugs and the number of youth on the street. how we often walk through life and keep blinders over our eyes, failing to see the suffering of others around us both near and far. i talk of spiritual direction in my work and people are puzzeled--how do u do spiritual direction with street kids? lets see--24 year old darius sit with me last night crying on this his 24th birthday how lonely he was and how the years were passing. he wanted a drug program that "was easy". he talked of God and of how he was confused about God and homosexuality when fundamentalists tell him it is sinful. we talk of the grace of God, and he wants me to pray for him which i do and anoint him; and then there is 20 year old gemini, just out of jail, has to take a urine test today and will fail it because he used within minutes of being released, and so he will go back to jail. we talked of his years on the street, his drug use, prostitution. with both i was journeying with them in their spiritual journey. for spiritual direction for me is journeying with people as they find that which gives some meaning, some foundation to their lives. both these guys were in so much emotional pain, so immense, and yet they are seen as nobodies, and the institutional church ignores people like these guys.
today we remember the beheading of John the Baptist. it is a reminder that when one speaks the truth the consequences are often very severe. i was reminded today personally how some people view me in a very demonizing way. as i was walking down the street, this man made a point of passing close enough to hit me with his shoulder, almost knocking me down, saying, "people like you deserve to be dead". it is a reminder to me that the times we live in are like all times, when one identifies with those who are the "nobodies", lives, advocates, and loves them--one might find him or her self being treated just like they are. society as a whole wants homeless people, drug addicts out of sight. we see anti-panhandling legislation on the ballot, complaints about people using the bath rooms on the streets, (the obvious solution is providing pulbic toliets--but if u have money u can go into a restaurant and buy something and use that bathroom), and tough laws on drug use, rather than rehabilitation. As in all times the haves, want the havenots out of sight so they can have their nice clean world, and feel like everything is ok, when the reality is that the haves through their greediness imposes much of that suffering. and so it goes on polk and my daily drama. Deo Gratis! thanks be to God!
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Thursday, August 28, 2003
thursday, 28, 3 p.m., all names changed. cooking meal for tonight. as always for me there is something very eucharistic in cooking. in the giving of bodily nourishment one is sharing the presence of Christ. last night i ran into a young 20 year old silas, from nashville, traveling over the last couple of years, from good family. friend he was traveling with dumped him, so he was feeling alone. very dirty, very lonely. we talked for several hours and i let him rest at my place duirng that time. he struggles with trying simply to keep it together and in talking to him, as with all the others the past two days the most healing thing is that we "touch" each one in some way--for they are untouchable to most people and often feel so disowned unless their bodies are being used. when Jesus healed the women, like in Matthew 5:25-34 he was touching the untouchable, the social outcasts.the word cured has the greek root from which we get "therapies" and litterally means to "heal the strengthless spirits". everyone of my kids are just that--"strengthless spirits", and it is from our strength they can find strength. and so when one asks me how can u do this, or how can u look beyond the hopelessness it is about being that healer, the one who touches those who are the untouchable, and gives strength, even for a moment to the "strengthless spirits." Deo Gratis! Thanks be to God!
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Tuesday, August 26, 2003
(august 26, 03, all names changed; ) today is my normal day off, had dentist appointment and so stayed in town, so never a moments peace, must always leave the City each week. my friend Errin, who goes to Columbia asked me last night: "how do u stand seeing this hopelessness day after day?" To say that i don't feel the pain, would be a lie. I sent 19 year old Apollo to the hospital for 8 abscesses on his ass and legs. He reminded me of my picture of "Christ with AIDS", full of sores and pain, suffering so, but letting his need for his drugs ovr riding his health. I have cried over the last few days when i have seen his suffering; and then i refused a blanket to 25 year old Diva. i have so few, and so i limit one a month. she loses her day in day out, and it hurts to say know, and i have felt guilty all day over it, but like it or not we do not live in a world of endless supply. Why do i do what i do--because this is where Jesus is, because this is what he would do and how do i stand it--it is not a matter of standing anything, it is understanding that suffering is a a part of life, and most of the time we cause our own suffering by our choices and suffer as a result of others choices, but in suffering we move into a new awareness of life, of God, and of appreciation for life and its meaning. I stand it because i suffer, and have suffer, and will suffer, as Jesus before me, as every human before me, and we are each called to be a presence, a God spark to each person in their suffering. I would be no where esle. Deo Gratis! Thanks be to God!
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Monday, August 25, 2003
august 25. sunday was typical, mass, dinner with a friend, movie, hanging out with a friend and outreach. my friend and i were talking about how the majority of the people on the streets relate to service providers as they do to their families. one 19 year old used my phone to call various members of his family last week, begging, bullying, lying. he relates the same way with me. with his family and many service providers he has worn his welcome out. sadly our society has created more dysfunction in families and adds to the homeless population. also sadly is that these behaviors come to point of being practically impossible to change, therefore resulting in a sub-culture of people who will spend their lives on the fringe of society, in the wealthiest society on earth. all we can do is work to have a more compassionate approach to providing care for people, and to be a presence of love and care in the name of Jesus. Deo Gratis! Thanks be to God!
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Sunday, August 24, 2003
august 24--all names have been changed. it is early in the morning. the night is ending for some of us, old whores and active whores that is, and beginning for normal people. tonight there were pimps figting with the boys and a lot of police out. 23 year old zeus returned from "the land", the xian "commune" up north. he left because they kept telling him "homosexuality is a sin." he says he knows in his gut that is not true, but still he says. he is so mixed up, and now back on drugs. he finds faith in God a anchor but struggles with the guilt of what he has been told. they did an exocism on him--to cast out those evil spirits. how tragic it is when we use religion to justify our own beliefs. he and i talked for an hour or so and i shared with him modern biblical scholarship on the portions of scripture that condemn gays. he said to me, "u know river over these years u have always given me life." healing is giving life, and so i hope i am a healer in this work. young 14 year old lazy is knew, trying to hustle but a fraid. we hung out for awhile and he went back to his cousins. and so it goes. deo gratis, thanks be to God!
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