Saturday, August 23, 2003
(august 23) all names have been changed. At 4:00 am. last night as i walked Polk street the doorways and alleys were all full of sleeping bodies, most without cover. i have blankets most of the time, but never enough, what is one to do--to take one at a time and like the apostle Peter in Acts: "Silver and gold have i none, but what I have i give to u." as one young man said tonight--"you give me life by your presence and always listening and loving me." The boys shout on one side of polk, the girls the other, trying to get the attention of possible "dates", all trying to survive in a a dog eat dog world. 21 year old alias walked me home and we talked through the first light and i took him to breakfast, later 23 year old alien said almost the same thing:--"i see my life fading a way, and i use drugs to medicate, until it all becomes oblivion reminded me of quote from Dhammapada: "Wise persons, by vigor, mindfulness, restraint, and self-control, create for themselves and island, which no flood can submerge, surrender themselves to negligence, whereas the wise protect mindfulness as their most valuable possession. Don't lose yourself in negligence, don;t lose yourself in sensuality. for it is the mindful and meditative person who will experience supreme happiness." Both young men by losing themselves into the drugs lose who they are. alien asked me why i do what i do, and all i could say, because that is what jesus would do, out of his love. alias asked me if I ever felt like the years were passing by and felt depressed about it, and i said "i do all the time." and i do, there are days i find myself depressed how the years are passing, if my life has been of use, and if this is all but a dream, and ultimately all i have is my faith, and so i take one day at a time trusting in God.
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Thursday, August 21, 2003
(all n ames are changed), 8-21-03: these days have been filled with my normal routine, outreach, the eucharist, and the continued presence of young men and women who are so needy and so desperate. 25 year old len, who is now so deep into his drugs that his whole world circles around him, throws fits when i refuse him, just to get attention. 19 year old glen was up here tonight, greedily calling for money, constantly needing something. the streets have been just filled with people high on speed, 19 year old josh is so out of it that he runs around without ashirt and shoes and socks, and the list goes on and on. what healing takes place in the midst of all of this--it is simply that in being with each one, as their friend, i am saying--to ones who are on the very outskirts of society--you are welcome and belong and are loved as much as any one else. to know one is loved and respected is healing. deo gratis!
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