Thursday, July 17, 2003
took yesterday off until last night, had forty calls on phone waiting for me. it is like being a parent, the kids think u should be available 24 x7. spent a couple hours with 21 year old
Damien, he has been depressed over not being able to get a job--of course it never dawns own him that wearing a mohawk and full punk gear and showing up for an interview high on speed has anything to do with it.
spent time with G, 33, who has been on streets since he was 12.; he was clean for a year and had a decent job and now is back on the streets. it really tears one's heart to see people follow the same cycle of self-destruction.
speed seems to be ever present, people just all over the place. but yet in this mix is the incarnation--Jesus is present in all of the ugliness, and the pain, suffering and caring. Deo Gratis!
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Tuesday, July 15, 2003
i have basically taken it easy today. i will take tomorrow off completely. people wonder why i leave town on my days off. when i go out the door there is always someone asking for something. all up and down the street the same happens, and it takes it out of me emotionally to always have to respond with i have nothing now. i went to the ear doctor today, i have minor hearing loss from all my years of no ear plugs with punk music, oh well, getting old is a bitch.
i was thinking today about how petty our differences are most of the time that esculate into wars and killing. simple things. nine years ago when i first came here, the two neighbors who share the bathroom were always fighting over who would pay for the toliet tissue, i simply started providing the tissue, my one act of human kindness so to speak. when i am out of town for a period of time the two neighbors, one different than at that time continue the same fight, over something so simple and inexpensive. why can't we simply put the pettiness aside, and love each other in all of our individual beauty, rather than so much pettiness and hatred.i am tired, going to make a couple of rounds of outreach, watch two videos and go to bed. deo gratis!
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Monday, July 14, 2003
i went to the food bank today and then to the beach, to get away from the so call heat, if u call 80 hot. i was thinking as i was hanging out, how i could be in the mid west in a good parish, living as i have been told the "good life." i laughed, i would not trade places with any one, who can hang out on the beach and with kids, and not have to play games with people. i would simply be weighing four hundred pounds, with high blood pressure, skin lilly white, and bored.
a friend keeps telling me how strong my faith is. all i do is keep showing up. as one reads the bible and hear david, peter, paul--all they did was simply keep showing up day by day, in season and out. in my darkest moments and doubts--i just keep showing up--the daily office, eucharist, and the work. that is the secret to most of life-=showing up.
glen, 19, and 21 year old ron were sitting here talking about all trying to get rich fast through forging checks etc, and then find themeselves in legal trouble. the reality is there are no easy ways in life--it is showing up. Deo Gratis!
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Sunday, July 13, 2003
there is nothing more beautiful then seeing the fog come in from the bay at 3 a.m. and feel the cool air in your face. spent an hour talking to 21 year old "Wolf" who just got out of prison, he wrote and drew as he talked and was telling me about sleeping in the park, his recent sexual escapades. he wrote a poem he wanted me to publish on the blogg:
A murder at night
death comes in days first light
a noose is hung
inside a cell
a cold lonely hell
a killer awaits
his cold lonely fates
keys rattling
keepers task
he brings shakles and mask
both walking slowly down the hall
a distant prayer is heard
noose around the killers neck
executioner requests any last word
none were spoke
drop. . .
rope snaps...
choke!!!
what a indictment against capitol punishment. tonight i felt like i was in an outdoor drug store--offered speed, and coke up and down the street.it was the hope of some that when the straight piano bars came to polk that it would make it classier--it has, we now have coke being sold, the drug of the rich.
watching the drug dealers and pimps i thought how greed motivates us into such ugliness, and that that greed is simply a request for something deeper. o our hungry ghosts! as i closed with compline tonight the psalms reminded me that nothing has changed in three thousand years, we humans have just fine tuned our greed and destructiveness, and God is still in our midst, and the answers of the meaning of life and death are still found in our quest for God. Deo Gratis!
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