Saturday, July 12, 2003
i slept until 3:00 p.m. today, after going to bed at 4:30 a.m. last night was busy, intense. 25 year old janice was angry because her on and off again boyfriend of 10 years had abused her again, and even though she understands that he will probably always do that she returns to him. 19 year old danzis is angry because he thinks the hospital is not taking care of his girlfriend because she has no insurance, there may be some truth, but the reality i have found these guys to be so entitled, they never quite understand that the world does not circle around them. the transgender and female working girls were out after 2 in full force, always needing condoms and always a show; add to that the drunks from the bars and one would think he is in another world, just crazy. people have asked me what i think maturuity is: my definitiion is that "maturity is showing up for life's tasks". for nine years, rain or shine, sick or not sick, ridiculed or praised, hated or loved, accepted or rejected i show up on polk street, and in that presence there i see Jesus every night and encounter that incarnational presence. i show up to meet jesus on polk street, this is my meeting place for God. and so we begin again. Deo Gratis!
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Friday, July 11, 2003
people often wonder what i do through the day. lets see today--19 year oldw. showed up at 4:00 a.m. worn down from a speed run, i put him on floor and then took him to lunch at noon, where we talked for an hour; then i spent an hour with p for spiritual direction as he struggles with his own ministry with the homeless, the relentless opposition of his church against the program; i went to two hospitals to make calls--a, 19 in for an abscess, had surgery this morning. she talked about how nice it was to be in hospital and to be "away" from the streets, it is strange for housed people to understand what it is like to live in the tenderloin or polk all the time and have to struggle for survival, that is why i get away once a week and take short trips on a regular basis, but for most like a, they don't have that opportunity; i then went to laguna honda to visit g, who came to from her coma, but her mind is damaged so badly she will be an invalid for the rest of her life, and is now in the nursing home wing of the hospital, and then, j, who is an old timer there and on the streets, he gets regular dialysis each day, kidneys destroyed from long term drug use, but not elgible for transplant because he is poor, and is not seen as "a possible value to society as a whole." all of these people are haunted by "hungry ghosts", those "ghosts" that we try to feed with drugs or any intoxicant that takes us away from the pain of life. there are those who would say: "they are only suffering the consequences of their life," but that can be said about all of us. the reality is each one is a human being, a spark of the divine, and when we recognize that spark then we come to accepting each for their own worth. and so my night begins with being on the streets, and being with any number of people, and yet people wonder what i do. ( punkpriest@cs.com)
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Thursday, July 10, 2003
Spent last night at beach in pacifica, just cool to be alone, and not know anyone. but i come back and here we go again. r, 19, spent an hour sharing his frustration with friends and how his life is chaos, and their lives are chaos. does not seem to understand that "speed" tends to make life that way. people tonight seem more and more in need for food, and it is cold, so they are needing blankets. people often ask me how i can witness suffering year in and year out, and the truth is suffering is the thread that runs through life, and until we connect with our own suffering, and understand that, we truly are not alive or mature. once we connect with our own suffering we see our commonness with others in theirs, and accept suffering as a commonality of living. no one escapes suffering, even though they try as hard as they can. sam, 23 told me recently he started drinking in order to escape life, but is that an escape, or simply intensifying suffering. people ask me how i can come to love these kids and than lose them--we are only given to each other temporary, we all lose each other. we spend our lives acquring only to lose all in death. it is in the present moment that one finds joy, so in that moment we enjoy each other for that is all we have. river, punkpriest@cs.com
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Monday, July 07, 2003
the readings from the gospels this week deal with the healings of jesus. what is healing, can we heal? all of us are healers. last night, tired, worn out, and in a bad mood i snapped at br, "What do u want?" and he responded: "Just a good word!" just a good word, that is a healing act, and i failed him in those moments. people ask me what to do when asked for money on the street--i simply tell them just simply smile, and say "no thank you" in a nice manner, but treat the person like a human, understanding that persons fragility. most of work is just being a presence, and i hope a healing presence. i received a phone call from 20 year old kenny tonight who i sent home on the bus several months ago because of a family illness. he is clean and has a job, and wanted just to talk. he said: "you treated me like a human, not a piece of shit to be used and thrown away." that is what healing is about, it is about lifting up hearts, treating people as human beings. if that was done by everyone imagine what kind a world we would live in?
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Sunday, July 06, 2003
what a wild night. the streets are hot with the police; the "girls" are out on polk, working, boys getting mad; people yelling. one would wonder if there is a God when one sees the suffering that goes on, the selfishness, the hatred. each person out there is out there for him or herself, money is the god, and sex and drugs are the means. i had tea at the restaurant on pine, and at the door was an older woman of forty or so, looked much older hungry and crying, all she needs is basic care. we are the wealthiest society in the world, there is no excuse accept greed for us not providng basic housing, healthcare, and food for all. I firmly believe that in Jesus God entered into this world, and suffered at the hands of the very ones that she created, and finds us lovable inspite of it all, and that we are called to be Christ to others even if it means we too suffer.
River at punkpriest@cs.com
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